It’s different, weird, beautiful, humbling, all of the above, to be standing next to someone as they’re about to bring new life into the world while you’re waiting for a life to leave.

you cannot have life without death

It is circular, and never ending. Babies will keep being born, and people will keep dying.

Death is so taboo in our society, that even announcing the death of my father, gave me anxiety thinking about how people on my social media may react. Think about that. The man who raised me and molded me into the person today, my hero, my everything, had left his physical form behind. I was grieving, and deeply missing him, and all I could think about was the need for support from my friends and loved ones, but held back in fear of people thinking the video I made of his last days would be triggering (which I fucking hate this word because all it means is that that person hasn’t healed a wound of theirs so they’re projecting their trauma onto you 🙄).

it’s been a year of pain

And the year is only half over.

We had to put our Rottweiler down in February after his hip dysplasia became too severe and he was only 4 years old. The corona virus began to pick up steam in March and we were put on lockdown. Then in June my mother in law had to put her dog down and 3 days later my father died. And then look at that, covid is picking up steam again after things began reopening so we’re most likely going on lockdown yet again.

And because of the virus, the mourning and grief feels exacerbated for those of us who’ve lost loved ones, because of the lack of support from our community. Humans need touch, and social interactions. And it sucks to not be able to have that, especially for those of us who are following the recommendations to stay at home. There’s just some things you can’t get through a computer screen.

I know I’m rambling

And I’m sorry if I’m all over the place, but I want people to know that I’m a safe space. Please talk to me if you need someone to talk to. We all need each other more than ever during this time, and although this past month has been one of the most difficult months of my life, I am here for you. I am still attending out of hospital births (I was at a home birth in Corona and a home birth in Riverside in June), and editing photos and videos on time. I am still doing what I can for you, as long as my brain cooperates (it’s been pretty mush since my dad died).

We will get through this. I don’t know how or when, but we will.

Keep the faith. Whatever that looks like for you 💕