Hey love 💕

I’m sure this will be long winded, and a little all over the place, but let’s be honest, my fucking pregnancy brain and these hormones don’t make forming sentences very easy lately 😂

It’s weird being uber pregnant and a surge of emotions hit you randomly. It’s weird, because it’s literally just this wave of intensity and tears just start flowing. My most recent episode was me just sitting on the couch waiting for Sam to get ready so we could go grocery shopping while Killian was running around the house.

As I’m sitting there waiting and hoping Sam doesn’t notice me crying, I realize the actual reason I’m crying….how beautiful birth is. ALL births. Whether baby’s come out the front door or the sun roof.

How my impending second birth is looming on the horizon, and even though I have some mild anxiety about it, it’s not necessarily about the actual birth. I trust my body, my baby, and the process. It’s more so anxiety that comes with the “am I doing a good job?”

With my birth, I know whatever is going to happen will happen. It’s the same as I tell my birth clients, you have a plan and baby has a plan, and our hope is that both plans align and we reach the same outcome. But sometimes baby’s like to say “fuck you, I don’t like your plan” and they make their own way here and we just have to trust them.

And I think that deep seated trust is one of our first major lessons as parents. Our initiation into this crazy tilt o whirl.

Trust is like rubber in the birth space, it’s flexible to bend and wobble whichever way it needs to go, it can be molded to however it needs to fit through spaces, it can stretch beyond the limits of what we assume, but it’s strong enough to always come back to wherever it’s needed.

Pregnancy tests us as humans. Not only physically, but spiritually, mentally, emotionally. It brings up shit we need to work through and heal. And if it’s not healed then, it’ll keep getting brought up in different lessons we’re given, in different lifetimes, until it’s healed.

I can’t tell you how much this second baby has brought up and FORCED me to face. And I’m so deeply grateful to them. They’ve shown me that although I had done so much work already to heal my inner child and break/heal generational trauma, I still had a ton more to do. That I’m STILL doing. And not only me, but for Sam as well. He’s being forced to heal some of his own generational trauma within his family line.

Baby’s are pretty fucking powerful.

And I have a deep gratefulness that is my job. That I’m allowed into such sacred spaces to journey with people as they bring new souls earth side. That I’m allowed to witness their power, their vulnerabilities, their confidence. That I somehow play a part in their story is not lost on me. That is a very big responsibility to bear, and one I do not take for granted.

I honestly feel bad for the people that view birth as gross or dirty. That can’t stomach the intensity of it. That can’t see past the physical/bodily fluid aspect and truly SEE what birth can be.

There’s beauty in the uncertainty. There’s beauty in the twists and turns of the journey. There’s beauty in the whole fucking process.

And I just wish, for even a second, that my clients could view themselves through my eyes. The wonder, awe inspiring, remarkable joy and pride I have for them and what their body accomplished. HOWEVER they birthed their baby.

They all hold such a special place in my heart. Their birth will forever be apart of me. Their strength I carry with me through my day. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it was them I think about as I’m working to bring my second little one into this world.

Thanks for coming to my rambling, hormone driven, TEDtalk 😂