Birth Story: Graham & Beau

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It’s a heavy month. A month full of loss, full of saying goodbye to the babies we never got to meet, we never got to take home, and that left us too soon. It’s not an easy topic or something that many people will openly discuss. But it’s this exact reason that I chose to become a bereavement doula and bereavement photographer, to be able to be a safe space for the families who are going through the unimaginable.

because I felt so alone when I lost my own first pregnancy.

And I never want someone else to feel that way. Because it’s only after we lose a child at any gestation or age, do people begin to speak up about their loss. These discussions needs to be brought up before that. WAAAAY before that.

graham & beau <3

Brooke reached out to me to inquire about birth photography for the birth of her twins but there was one detail that made her birth different from the rest though. Her son Beau, Baby B, had anencephaly, and no one was sure whether or not he would survive his birth. Brooke was looking for someone who had availability for her estimated due date, but who would also be comfortable photographing a baby with anencephaly with the possibility that he wouldn’t survive birth. She also wasn’t sure if she wanted a scheduled cesarean or a vaginal birth which were both supported options her amazing care provider gave her.

During our first meeting together, I got to meet her wonderfully supportive husband Chris, and two beautiful children in the comfort of her own home. We sat at their dining room table and talked about the pregnancy and her Hyperemesis. We talked about the surprise of finding out there were two babies in her belly! And then we also talked about what to possibly expect after her little ones were born, because the birth was so up in the air. We went over logistics of when to call me when she went into labor, how long I would be there, how they envision the birth, etc. All the while, the sound of the television in the other room was softly playing and entertaining her first two littles.

2 days before Brooke’s scheduled cesarean, she texted me saying she was going to arrive at Sharp Mary Birch at 12 am for her induction, an attempt at a vaginal birth it is! Oh, one thing I failed to mention, this birth was going to be a 2VBAC (two vaginal births after cesarean). Brooke had a cesarean birth with her son, and a successful VBAC with her daughter!

the induction

I told her I would show up at about 4 am I believe, as they were going to start the induction medication at 2 am

When I got there, it was a beautiful, crisp June morning. The weather was misting, you know the almost rain in San Diego, but not quite, but it’s still enough to warrant using windshield wipers. Before I enter a birth space, there’s always a grounding moment, and it’s typically in the elevator (as long as it’s empty), a simple big deep breath and an affirmation said to myself.

When I entered their birth space, the room was dimly lit, and Chris was laying down on the couch/bed while Brooke was relaxing in the hospital bed. We chatted for a bit about how things were going up until this point and what her and the doctors plan was. I took some photos for a few hours after which the surges began to intensify. Brooke asked for an epidural and I left to go some detail shots around the hospital. When I came back and I knew everyone was settled, I told them to I was going to go take a nap in my car for a few hours and that they should do the same. So that’s what we all tried to do, sleep.

Making my way back to their room, I had another grounding moment in the empty elevator before walking into their birth space.

*Deep Grounding Breath*

When I returned, Brooke and Chris’ family were there for support. It was a beautiful sight as people were talking about laughing and playing on their phones. We all ended up watching the new Jumanji movie to pass the time making the atmosphere easy going filled with an endless amount of love but still with an underlying reservation.

There was so much love in the room.

After the movie was over, it was about 1 pm. Both Brooke and I agreed that I could go back to my car and try to sleep some more as that was what she wanted to do. So I told her I would set my alarm for another 2 hours or so and be back up then!

Little did we know how much her body was working and how quickly her cervix was dilating. Which that’s one of the funny things about birth, it always keeps you on your toes!

the call

I was successful in taking a nap in the back of my car, but was woken up by Chris calling me. I don’t remember exactly what was said as my brain was barely processing anything but it went along the lines of “Brooke is 10 cm and pushing, you need to hurry.”

Well ok then!! I raced out of my car and up to their room as quickly as I could.

*Deep Grounding Breath*

When I entered her room, it was filled with her amazing OB and 6 or more nurses, I couldn’t count in that moment. I had to quickly try and figure out where to stand as there were so many people in the room.

Graham was born in a matter of minutes after I got there, 2:18 pm to be exact. He was a gorgeous little one who let out a few cries, but quickly settled down on Brooke’s chest after Chris cut the cord. We then waited for Beau to make his appearance. He on the other hand, had different plans. Once Graham was born, Beau flipped to transverse (laying across the belly), his amniotic bag broke and soaked the OB (it was literally like the scene out of a movie and everyone had a good laugh). Brooke’s OB had to see which end she could try and coax towards Brooke’s cervix manually, kind of like “Hey buddy, the exit is this way.”

After about 15 minutes or so of playing keep away, Beau made his grand entrance into the world at 2:32 pm, footling breech. He let out the most beautiful cry I’ve ever heard, and never stopped. He proudly let everyone know his thoughts on everything. He talked and talked and squawked.

*Deep Breath*

We all laughed and cried.

The biggest elephant in the room was whether or not Beau would survive the birth because of the lack of protection surrounding his brain. But he did, and he came out screaming to let everyone know.

I can’t describe the feeling in the room after his birth. The room vibrated with love and a proudness of what was just accomplished. As Brooke and Chris enjoyed their new little bundles, soaking in everything about them, their two other littles joined the room to meet their siblings for the first time. After that the rest of the family joined as well.

It was nothing but photos and talking and enjoying these two beautiful boys who had just made their journey earth side.

Graham was born at 2:18 pm weighing 5 lbs 9.8 oz

Beau was born at 2:32 pm weighing 3 pounds 12.1 oz

Beau 6.21.2019 - 6.25.2019

4 days

Beau lived 4 days. He lived four days being surrounded by family, by love, and by faith. Babies are so intuitive and bright, and Beau was no different. He touched the lives of many during his short beautiful life.

And I am forever grateful to have met such an amazing little bundle of love 💕

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