I'm a BE-la not a DO-ula
Please read through to the end 💕
I feel like there’s so much pressure on doulas (especially newer doulas) to do ALL THE THINGS in the birth space, and that’s just not something I agree with. Doulas and birth workers aren’t some end all be all insurance policy. Am I going to hold your hand for hours on end, probably not. Have I done it before? Yes I have, for almost 8 hours at one birth. BUT it was a NEED I saw.
my style
What would you say your style is? I get this question a lot in interviews. And I answer it the same everytime; I liken my style to that of a chameleon. If I see a need, I try and fill a need. I’m not there as a motherly figure. I’m not there as a sisterly figure (unless you would consider laughing and making jokes, sisterly). I’m not the type to sit there and hold your hand and walk through every aspect of being pregnant and giving birth. That’s just not me, not my personality. So if that’s the type of doula you want, I am not the doula for you.
I’m there as your coach and your friend. To talk you through and remind you of the things you learned. I can’t want your birth experience more than you do so I will meet you wherever you’re at.
I’m not there to replace anyone.
I’ll BE there to look in your eyes after an intense surge and remind you how fucking amazing you’re doing.
I’ll BE there to make sure you’re staying hydrated, eating enough calories, and peeing every hour.
I’ll BE there to suggest positions and stretches.
Or a nap if you’ve been at it for awhile.
I’ll BE there to be a shoulder to cry on when you want to give up, but in reality you’re in transition and about to meet your baby.
I’ll BE there to make sure you understand all of your options and choices wherever you’re birthing.
I’ll BE there to make sure you feel empowered.
We’re not magical beings.
Doula’s aren’t some savior that makes all your dreams come true. We’re there to be the emotional and sometimes physical support you may need to get through a major life event. We’re there as a sounding board to bounce ideas or confusion off of. We’re there for clarification and to give you a nudge to find your own voice.
BUT WE’RE STILL THERE.
I will be your biggest fucking cheerleader through it all. I will be the first one you can yell at if things get too intense and you just need to start cussing. I will be there to calm you down if something changes your birth preferences. I will wipe sweat from your forward or place a cool wash cloth there. I will wipe drips of blood from your leg as your cervix opens and progresses, I will feed you food or sips of water. I will stay up with you when everyone else is asleep until it’s my turn to nap if needed. I will be there for comic relief to distract you. We can chat about whatever and whoever you want into the early morning hours until your surges are too intense to hold a conversation and then when that happens I’ll sit quietly as you sway or moan through them.
I will be a steady stream of support. I will believe in you if you ever doubt yourself. And I will be the first to validate your feelings throughout the entire process.
So no, I may not coddle you during your pregnancy or birth experience. I may be hard sometimes. But fuck if I won’t deeply care about you and your family when it comes to you bringing your baby into the world.
I’ll say it again, I’m not a DO-ula, I’m a BE-la.