My Postpartum Weeks 3-7

Oh man, trying to remember these weeks has been quite a challenge. Between the postpartum depression, the constant pumping since Killian wouldn't latch properly, the hormones all over the place, the hunger and cravings, lack of sleep, and then to top it all off the physical recovery. It's all just mixed together in one foggy haze.

But I do remember copious amounts of Reese's. Like no joke, my husband bought out all the Reese's the CVS next to our house had. I can't tell you why but I craved Reese's, and would literally begin to have anxiety attacks if I didn't get them. It was the oddest thing ever and I have no explanation for it.

So Killian was born with a 15 inch head. The nurse didn't believe it the first time she measured it, so she kept measuring it 😂 Yes ma'am that head came out of my vagina.I had three small tears which the on call OB said I could probably get away with not having any stitches but that he was going to stitch me up anyways (I had one stitch per tear, thanks dude). My whole lady bits were swollen even 3 weeks postpartum, just not as bad though. The swelling was definitely going down, especially with the help of padsicles. Padsicles were like the greatest invention ever (pour aloe vera gel and some witch hazel on an overnight pad and stick it in the freezer).The coldness never lasted long enough but it sure did help.

3 Weeks Postpartum.

At 3 weeks postpartum I was officially diagnosed with pretty bad postpartum depression. It was at my son's 3 week check up (we actually have the same doctor which makes life SO much easier) that I asked "at what point do I bring up PPD?" Her and I had previously talked about it, as I have a history of depression so I had a feeling I was going to get it. I'll go into this deeper in another post, but it was an automatic response of getting on meds. And I'm so glad I spoke up when I did. Currently 27 months postpartum and still battling PPD (although now I’m pretty sure it’s just considered depression, even though it started out as PPD). Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.

I pumped every 4 hours like clockwork. Killian had breastmilk during the day, and formula at night (I highly recommend the Baby Brezza for any of you using formula, it is literally a life saver at night). At 4.5 weeks postpartum Killian FINALLY latched and we began our exclusive breastfeeding journey! It was a very emotional time all around. But this also drove my Reese's obsession through the roof. Along with a ridiculous amount of thirst all the time. All I wanted was chocolate and water. I pretty much lived off chocolate brownie cliff bars, water, Reese's, and Chinese food for the first month or so 😂

5 Weeks postpartum.

By week 5 I noticed that I was still having way too much pain in my lady parts. I was still needing the peri bottle at every bathroom use. It was painful to sit down. Painful to walk. Fuck, it was just painful down there to do anything. My 6 week postpartum check up wasn't until week 7 so I ended up going in early and seeing the nurse practitioner. My three small tears, that had one stitch each, ended up forming granulation (which fucking hurts) and that was the reason I was still in pain. Not much was done at the appointment but she said other than that, I was healing great.

7 weeks postpartum.

By week 7 it was still effing painful. I finally had my postpartum check up with my OB which she didn't like my Edinburgh PP Depression Scale answers, but I told her that I was on meds already and on the mend. I wasn't in the deep end anymore. She then checked my lady bits again (because they were still painful) and decided to put silver nitrate on them to get rid of the granulation (because that still hadn’t gone away). She totally didn't use any numbing cream and just burned the shit out of my vagina. When I began to squirm from the pain, she realized what she had done, and put numbing gel on after the fact. Let me tell you, it doesn't fucking work after the fact. After the appointment was rough (just from the movement and sitting), as was the rest of the day, but in just a few days my lady bits were pretty much back to normal 😉. I was so excited I could pee and sit down normally!!

but everyone is different. reach out to your care provider if you need reassurance.

I know everyone's postpartum journey is different. Some have an easier postpartum period, while others have it even more difficult. Everyone's story is different, but they're all just as important. If something doesn't feel right to you, talk to your care provider. Open up to your partner about how you're feeling. It's ok to ask for help. Please ask for help if you need it.You do not have to do anything alone. Healing takes time. Our society places so much pressure on us to "bounce back" after giving birth. Umm I don't know about you, but bouncing back after pushing a watermelon out of my vagina was the LAST thing on my mind. Doing too much too soon can cause so many issues physically (like pelvic floor issues). Remember, the first week just lay in bed (remain horizontal as much as possible) and eat/drink and feed your babe, and the second week stay around your bed and in your house. Only after the second week should you begin to slowly venture outside of your house. Be gentle with yourself and your body.

You just created a miracle, give yourself some grace 💕