This is always a good one. Most of the families I have interviewed with, especially the birth partners, tend to bring up the concern

"Where do I fit in when you're there?"

I feel like this is a big misconception of doulas as we do NOT take the birthing partners role!!

In fact, I try my hardest to do the opposite! I want to show you, the birthing partner, how to support the birthing person. I want you to be the hero and the one who is remembered for swooping in when your partner needed you the most.

Because you matter just as much.

I want you to be taken care of as well. I'll typically remind you to eat, stretch your legs, and use the restroom. If labor is long, I'll even suggest for you take a nap. Your partner needs you to be well rested and ready for when your babe comes earth side. They don't need you falling asleep while you're holding their leg, supporting their body, or whispering motivating phrases in their ear.

You think your partner is going to forgive you if you drop their leg?? HA! That's a big negative ghost rider.

Society has placed SO much pressure on the birthing person's partner, in such a short amount of time (about 50-60 years or so) without providing the proper education or the normalization that's needed. Now I'm sure many farmers or people working in the animal world are more comfortable around birth as they see it in the animals they work with, but average Taylor who has been brought up in the suburbs and went to a typical school and then possibly college, I'm sure has only really seen birth depicted in TV shows and movies. Which normal physiological childbirth isn't depicted properly in them *insert massive eye roll.* I totally fell into this category, with the exception that I've actually watched my own birth. I know crazy right?? 

Talking about birth and even the photographs I take, make my husband uncomfortable (and you'd think he'd be used to it by now) but my son on the other hand, will watch birth videos with me and then fall asleep to the sound of a laboring person. We're taking baby steps as a society right now but really feel it will benefit the coming generations. Changes are being made with us, but we're really laying the foundation.

Unfortunately, society is still placing a ridiculous amount of pressure on birth partners to be everything a birthing person needs in such a monumental time, without being provided the proper normalization or even just the knowledge of what is normal and what isn't. Which is why having a doula can be, and IS, so comforting.

Because when you look at your doula, while your partner is in the throes of labor and is vocalizing saying they can't do it anymore and it hurts too much. Your want is going to be to fix it. To get rid of the pain and intensity. To possibly even yell at people to help. But your doula looks you in the eye, and in a gentle voice says "this is normal. I know it’s intense. You both are doing great and are going to meet your baby soon." They'll hold space for you both while tending to whom ever needs it the most. And will possibly even pull a nurse in if both of you need the extra support.

Our goal as your doula, is to provide unconditional emotional and physical support. Holding space is just as important as well. We want you both to be educated, and feel empowered in your decisions. We want your birth experience to be the best birth experience possible.

We want you to find your voice in a typically highly medicalized arena (if birthing in a hospital) where pregnancy is viewed as a condition that needs to be fixed.

We want you to be reminded that pregnancy is a natural physiological event.

We want you to find your voice and take back your birth.

Because birth is beautiful.